It was never deliberate but when an experience has damaged you…the flaws you exhibit are unconscious.
I am always like…”what else can I offer a woman, if all my sacrifices to the woman that I once called a wife left me with a huge scar for life?”
I lived for that woman and our children. I think that my problem started when I moved my family overseas…for greener pastures. Little did I know that the move would be the end of my marriage but then…it also leaves one wondering if you actually know who you are married to.
Or is it a case of people changing with time?
We lived abroad for years but when my business began to flourish in Nigeria, I suggested that we move back home.
This woman looked me in the eye and told me point blank that she wasn’t coming with me and (in fact) that I should consider the marriage over…if I insisted on her moving back to Nigeria.
Like a bad dream that I was trying so hard to wake up from…I got to Nigeria and divorce papers were waiting for me.
In no time…I became a persona non grata in the very house that I bought with my hard-earned money over there.
I began to stay in hotels anytime I travelled while she frolicked with a Jamaican guy…as I later learned. She also began the battle to strip me of my other possessions.
Till this day, I think of her and ask if she is still that “young love” of mine back in our school days. Who is this strange woman that has become my nightmare? Where is that woman that would lay awake on the bed with me as we planned (real big) for the future?
Don’t people have conscience anymore?
I never knew how easy it could be to walk away from FAMILY (that the African culture holds so dear) until I found myself abroad.
Nothing means much there, besides the race for the “hard currency” and the “good life” that it can offer you.
I came across a story recently…a Nigerian wife killed her husband over issues bordering on her infidelity in an African country.
As I thought over that incident, I asked who could have known that a man’s effort to give his family a good life would cost him his life. How could he have known that his life would end so brutally in the hands of his once starry eyed bride?
None really comes with guarantee!
Take the good you see for as long as it lasts. The journey can take a twist at any point.
I am also asking…what has come over our women? His own killed him physically but mine killed me within. Nothing is worse than reliving certain ugly episodes of one’s life…almost on a daily basis.
I can only advise my fellow men to look before leaping…even this, is no guarantee that things won’t turn ugly some day.
At least start by marrying someone whose core values align with yours.
Don’t go for a sex maniac when you are an “average guy.” You are two poles apart and TIME will always make the differences more glaring. If she is the flamboyant type and you are not…your personalities are bound to clash.
Have nothing to do with anybody who doesn’t know the meaning of SACRIFICE in a relationship.
Always consider character more than looks.
Once unhinged by “the good life,” a lot of women are like one-way traffic. They don’t look back…until they hit a bump.”
As an act of faith…one goes into ‘love’, hoping for the best. But for anybody to go into ‘love’ with a mindset that things will always go according to your expectation(s) or ‘good deeds’ is…courting ‘surprises’.
“We are used to thinking that what we give is the same as what we receive, but people who love, expecting to be loved in return, are wasting their time.
“Love is an act of faith, not an exchange,’’ says Paulo Coelho.
This brother actually confided in me that the cheapest handbag that he’s ever got the wife cost about a thousand Euros. And I said to myself “… probably at the expense of ‘family’ whose school fees are yet to be paid.’’
Frankly, when it is said that morning shows the day. People should learn to believe that it applies even more in relationships.
Of course, there is nothing wrong with spoiling a spouse silly-if one can afford it but one who encourages ‘vain expenses’ doesn’t come as CONSIDERATE to me!