TO LOVE A SHADOW

4

Out of boredom the other day, I went to see a movie. As interesting as

the movie was, the plot struck me which basically inspired me to write
this piece. It is not out of place to have plans, visions and goals
marshaled to give one’s life a direction. It is certainly a thing that
every living being should embrace.

The quest for a brand of life, a type of partnership, a kind of person
for a relationship or love has made some of us to live in self-denial.
One of the easiest things to do is to pen down qualities we want from
our wannabe bride or bridegroom. The difficult thing is telling
ourselves the reality. This is life and it was Lil Wayne who in one of
his songs said in this game of life I don’t make the rules. We must
therefore constantly remind ourselves that we don’t make the rules. It
is okay to plan for success, it is not ignoble to plan for failure,
you may choose to put that in a better way, plan B. Benjamin Hudson in
Jay Z’s song forever young said we hope for the best but expect the
worst. Don’t even let it cross your mind; I am not a pessimist or a
prophet of doom, I am just a realist. No amount of prayer, good
thoughts, and positive proclamation will stop the ground from
receiving cadavers, the hospital from receiving sick people, accident
victims or bad from happening. Life was designed that way. Did I hear
you say, it is not my portion? It is nobody’s portion actually; it is
absolutely natural to sometimes receive your own fair share of ugly
trend. If not, testimony won’t exist in worship centers.

Narrowing it down to our topic sentence, women are the most culprits,
men are not even any better. Every woman wants to marry a rich man
with 6packs, tall and handsome, a man with a very good job and must
always be there when she wants him, a man who is a chef in the
kitchen, a soldier in the sheets, a bank for her needs, and a model
for her show off, a perfect gentleman. These qualities are
mouthwatering but how realistic are they? You certainly can’t find all
these in one person. At a tender age the dream is big, the
expectations are high as time goes on you will discover that you
didn’t create yourself and would never have everything your way. No, I
am not saying you should settle for less but who is less actually? We
create nonexistent imageries and fall in love with them. The perfect
being, a flawless character and this distances us from what is real.

At your very face is that man or woman giving you green light but
he/she doesn’t precisely fit in into your resume, so you are either
blowing hot and cold or you blatantly don’t give a damn. In your
thoughts is, there is still time and that dream spouse will surely
locate me; says who? Stop deceiving yourself; life doesn’t present
anyone with perfect conditions. The things we value most times are
those things we don’t have. In actual fact, they are not really
different from what we already have.

Men on the other hand want a woman whose beauty is universally valid.
With great beauty comes great responsibility. Uneasy lies the head
that wears the crown. If everybody wants what you have, then you have
a lot of battles to fight. Sirach 25:21 says “Never lose your head
over a woman’s beauty and don’t try to win a woman because she is
wealthy”. A woman who is educated, well behaved, loyal, respectful,
resourceful, prayerful, a great cook will make a good wife. So we
believe and we keep searching for her but there is more to a woman
than meet the eyes. There is nothing wrong in craving perfection but
perfection is nothing but a mere illusion. Perfection is not a state
so it is unattainable.

In your quest to achieve an utopian world for yourself, do remember to
create room for insurance. Spread your tentacles, don’t lay your eggs
in one basket and don’t count your chicks before they are hatched.
Most importantly do not chase shadows. A gracious wife is her
husband’s delight; her abilities make him a stronger man. A fortunate
wife is that whose husband fulfills her fantasies. However, not
everyone will be blessed with the spouse of their dreams. Some will
enjoy theirs while others will endure. It is the bitter truth; we all
have to accept it. You cannot have all aspect of your life going as
planned, wanted or wished for. The challenges of life are what make
life worth living.

written by Stanley Bentley

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