Between Highness and Unionism

Another classic episode on TALES FROM COLLEGE, your only write and earn page on
College was sweet and sour but I could simply conclude that it was fun all through. University of Benin, Ekehuan Road Campus. If you attended Uniben and never visited this campus, you need to go back to school.
I remember vividly one Saturday morning; the venue was front of BLOCK F NELSON MANDELA HALLS OF RESIDENCE. Almost all the “boys” were gathered there drinking all sorts of alcohol ranging from branded to local distillery. Ekehuan campus is not just about class or academic wisdom but also street wisdom. Permit me to say that most of the few times I studied, it was done at a bar table with lots of brew to go around and some other accompaniments. That’s a tale for another time.
The then SUG ASG, if you do not understand the acronyms naim be say na here you suppose stop for this story because na just 500 words I get to tell my story. He suggested that we take turns to drink up a full glass of spirit. You are poured a full glass of Pastis (the drunks reading this story know the drink, ask dem if you don’t) and the others begin to chant your name and you drink up the content in that glass in one fell swoop as failure to do so would mean you buy another bottle that instant broke or buoyant.
We were still on the game when Kevwe got a phone call. He was shouting as he spoke over the phone. After the call, he said “men gbege dey” , when everyone who were at this point all fired up by the liquor and various concoction intake queried what the gbege was; Kevwe, explained that Rosemary called him from Ring Road saying that she had bought a phone the previous day and it wasn’t working so she had to take it back to the seller who now has declined to change it. He also stated that Rosemary told him that the guy has been insulting and taking them for a ride all morning.
When he finished his narrative, he asked if anyone was willing to go with him to the shop to either get the phone changed or get the cash back.
Everyone began to look at me as if awaiting my orders. I feigned ignorance and puffed away on my cigarette. Kevwe, asked me personally if I would go with him and I said no. I immediately asked him which Rosemary he was talking about and he said “your Rosemary na, the one wey dey stay Asaba”, I snapped and stood up immediately and all others stood up, the ones who were topless scampered to their various rooms to grab a shirt.
The Chief porter then, Pa Igbiniba, was seated at his usual vantage position, if we all moved out in that great number; he would know something is wrong and would eventually talk us out of the plan. So in the usual Uniben parlance, I muttered “front gate, one one leg”.  Everybody began to disperse in what seemed like military-style planned ops. We all converged at the bus stop right opposite the front entrance into the school.
I stopped a bus and so did Livinus and Kevwe. Everyone packed themselves into the buses and off to Ring Road we went. A bus carries only 10 passengers at once but we were more than 18 in each of these buses. Some even mounted bikes. 80% of the squad didn’t even have a kobo on them for the fare but nobody was willing to miss out on the action and most were high or either tipsy.
The buses got to the Popular Ogwaligho junction and there was traffic, I opened the door and alighted, gave the conductor N100 and everyone jumped down so did those in the other buses. Judging from the stench of alcohol and the look on the faces as well as the bus stop from where we boarded, neither the drivers nor their conductors had the guts to even ask for the fares. “who wan findstudent wahala this morning? Abeg make dem carry their wahala dey go” those could have been the exact thoughts in their heads.


We all marched down to Ring Road from there following directions from a phone call as Kevwe was on phone with Rosemary who was making the directions. The boy who sold the phone had disappeared before we got to the shop. He ran away immediately he heard Rosemary giving directions to his shop over the phone. The boys were all agitated. There was a woman around the shop. I greeted her and politely stated why we came. The woman flared up and started raining abuses, saying we were sent to school to learn not come and cause trouble. She thought it was just Kevwe, Cavo and I, that was a wrong move from here side.
The boys no just waste time, dem don begin pack everything from inside the shop including a Television and DVD player. Everyone around there ran for cover. The woman who abused us earlier, stood up and grabbed my shirt, I didn’t even think twice, I exhaled a tanker load of carbon monoxide on her face, no be person tell am to leave me. Alozie was the person with the TV and no biker agreed to carry him. I grabbed a biker by his carrier and with a clenched fist and heavy smoke coming out from both nostrils and mouth, I forced him to carry Alozie and his luggage to school. Some scared ones had run away with their loot back to school.
The woman decided to create a scene. She grabbed Emeka FBI who was a parliamentarian at that time, Emeka took off his shirt and started dribbling the woman around, when I was sure that most of the guys had gone to school, I turned to see a policeman carrying Emeka and running into Oba Market police station why Emeka who was obviously drunk waved his shirt in the air shouting Igweeee. I ran after them but the gate was shut by another policeman immediately the one carrying Emeka ran into the compound.
I started shouting at the policeman to open the gate he locked it from inside and said I should go away or risk being shot. Those words made me furious, my box of cigarette was exhausted by now and I decided to go get another box to calm my nerves and before I came back to the gate, they had also carried Judoka, The then SUG DOS. I told Livinus to call Ugbowo and tell them that their student officers has been arrested. I shouted and screamed for them to arrest me alongside the other two guys they declined saying I was bad news, bad market, hardened criminal. These words infuriated me and I got a chain and padlock and locked the gate from outside. Gave them a two-hour ultimatum to release the boys or the station goes up in flames. What happened in the next two hours, should be a story for another time.
submitted by:  Kolombo, a reputable alumnus of University of Benin


  1. Loool…OK…this is funny….I have encountered a couple of traders who will sell bad stuff to you and yell at you on top of that…..all the same this na fegocook behavior u know that right? Loool nice one

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