Hi ladies, this is the second part of last weeks’ newsletter as promised. I hope you took your time to go through that piece. I also hope that piece helped you narrow down that list you have on the type of man you want to spend the rest of your life with. I seriously do hope it was of immense help. Here are the other points. READ CAREFULLY AND ENJOY.
*You Will Not Have To Make Him Into A Man
God has a man for you, not a boy you have to mold into a man. This idea that you need to grow with a man who has yet to first come into his own, is misguided. Yes you can be the source of inspiration and motivation. Yes you can be loving and supportive. Yes you can pour into him in ways that contribute to his growth. HOWEVER! all of this can be done while you are his FRIEND! Like actual friends, not the acting like your his girlfriend, and giving him some booty friends. God didn’t call you to be in a relationship with a boy who has yet to become a man. You run a lot of risks trying to be in a relationship with a man’s “potential”. In most cases you will find yourself making a huge investment of time and energy, only to end up feeling cheated by the lack of return on your investment. While you think you’re building him up, all you’re really doing is making things convenient for him. You’re providing all of these benefits when he has yet to become qualified for the job. Not only is he not qualified at the moment, but he isn’t putting in the extra work, yet you continue to give him all he could ask for. Do you really think this will push him to higher levels, or do you see how someone can easily become content and complacent in this position? Forget him for a second, let’s talk about you. While you’re so busy trying to “build a man”, you’re not pouring enough into yourself. You’re so consumed by this guy that you have forgotten about the things God wants you to focus on in your life. You may be a great woman, but there is still work for you to do while becoming and continuing to be the woman God wants you to be. It’s not your responsibility to make a boy into a man, unless that boy is your own child. You were not made to be anyone’s crutch, you were designed to be a man’s partner and helper. This brings me to the next thing you should know…
*He Is Looking For A Helpmate, Not A Playmate
Boys always want to play and men are always ready to work. Boys look for playmates, and men desire a helpmate. Do you see where I’m going with this? The man God has for you is looking for something more than someone to play with. He isn’t about all the games and child’s play. He is a much more focused individual who has a grasp of what he wants to accomplish in his life and in a relationship. Lies, unwillingness to commit, disrespect, and other negative behaviors are not signs of a man who is serious about you. They are signs of a man who is only looking to play with you. You may be thinking, “maybe he isn’t ready to commit now, but if I stay in his life long enough then when he’s ready he’ll pick me to be with”. You see, now he isn’t playing you, you’re just playing yourself. Sure it’s possible, but how many women have you seen try this only to end up empty handed or watch him go be with another woman? Don’t worry I’ll answer that for you…too many, that’s how much! It’s a flawed approach, and you should not consider it going forward. If you don’t want to end up being a man’s playmate then you shouldn’t play games either. A man that is God approved to be with you is a man who is trying to work with you. He has built himself up to this point, but now he wants to build greater things with you. The last thing he is trying to do is play you, and he is only interested in making you feel more secure about being with him. The boys will bring you confusion and chaos. The men desire to provide you with clarity and peace. So if necessary, go make yourself a sign that reads, “No boys, no games, just men.” Make sure you adhere to it.
*You Will Experience A Genuine Connection With Him
In life you’re going to come across a lot of men who catch your eye. You’re going to meet and talk to several guys you like. You may even have a few situations where you think you love this man. However, you’re not going to experience a deep and genuine connection with all of them. To be honest, a lot of people don’t experience a special connection with more than one person; however there are some exceptions to that rule. One way or another, having a genuine connection is a special experience. It doesn’t happen with most people. Which is why a special connection is a strong indicator of a man being the one God has for you. There was a 32 year old woman named Michelle who reached her breaking point. She was frustrated with her lack of a relationship, and with feeling all of the guys she met were only after sex. She was ready to swear off dating and relationships, and to simply focus on her career.
Before she took that step, she decided to pray one last time and ask God to finally bless her with the man for her. She felt she was a good woman and deserved to receive a good man. Two days later she happened to go to a networking event. While she was there she met a handsome, well put together man. He was exactly her style at about 6’1, strong frame, and a very nice smile. They spoke at the event and got along very well. It lead to exchanging numbers and her going home a very happy woman. She was excited and praised God. She felt this just might be “the one”. Well, time progressed. They went from dating to being in a relationship. During this time she spoke to me about her situation and the potential for it to turn into marriage.
I was happy for her, but couldn’t help but pick up on the vibe that something wasn’t right. I asked her more questions about their relationship. It became clear that though they got along, they didn’t really have a genuine and deep connection. They both like what each other brought to the table, but that doesn’t mean they truly enjoy sitting and eating at the table together. Think about what I just said. They like all the hype and surface benefits of this relationship. However, take that away, and there isn’t much else going on here.
To make a long story short, this relationship eventually failed, and never made it to marriage (thank God). He was not the man God had for her. The proof was in their lack of a genuine connection. Without it a relationship will not have long term success. Without it, you can be assured this is not the man for you. To have a connection, it’s like two spirits recognizing its counterpart. It isn’t driven by what you see on the surface or what you break down logically in your mind. It will be born from within. It will occur naturally. This is what God has waiting for you. This is something to be mindful of when determining which man to embrace in your life.
I hope these two other points were as straightforward and insightful as the first two. Till next week when I share the final episode of “The man God has for you”, good luck in love. To our happiness. Cheers.