There was a song in the 1970s made popular by Mary Macgregor, entitled, Torn between Two Lovers, and the chorus goes: “Torn between two lovers, feeling like a fool
Loving’ both of you is breaking’ all the rules.”Your case is one from which many women and men must learn. A relationship should not be terminated whimsically or when one is angry or upset.
You may cut the physical link, but the emotional connection will not be instantly severed. It makes a lot of sense to think through the matter carefully and rationally make your decision, all factors being considered
It is obvious that you made an impulsive decision to break up with your then boyfriend, and to compound matters, entered into a rebound relationship with your husband, just two months later. You didn’t put closure on the previous relationship and so your past has come back to literally haunt you.
So, seven years into your marriage and you are still pining for your ex. And you have not only yearned for this man’s body and soul, you have also connected with him physically.
I need not tell you for I am sure you are aware that you are indeed treading on dangerous ground and it is just a matter of time before your husband finds out about your fooling around.
Some women boast about how well they can conceal their cheating activities, but when there is a change in emotional wellbeing, an attentive partner will figure out what is going on.
But you did say that your husband is not as conscientious as he ought to be, so it may take him a while to understand that his wife is distracted.How do you remove yourself from this tight spot between the rock and the hard place? You have to “talk to yourself.” And the sooner you do so, the better. Ask yourself the following questions:
* Is it worth it to break up my marriage of seven years to rekindle the passion of an old flame?
*Would I want to have my cake and eat it, i.e., to have both men in my life, one for family/social stability and the other for emotional/sexual fulfillment?
It is true that your husband should provide all of the above, but that does not give you the green light to engage in an extramarital affair. No matter how you spin it or rationalise it, you are “stealing love on the side,” and that is a recipe for continued heartache and pain.
If you seriously want to preserve your marriage, you have to cease all communication with Mr. Ex. You may say, “Counsellor, this is easier said than done.” And this might well be true, but if you continue to make your heart rule your head, you will be in this state of distress for a long time.
You have to muster the will to back off immediately. Your motivation must be the obvious answer to the question: Does the means justify the end?
Don’t forget your reason for leaving him in the first place; wouldn’t you now be guilty of doing the same thing?
Your story is also a lesson for complacent husbands; if you fail to provide emotional stability for your wives, you may leave an open door for Mr. J, G or Mr. Ex to freely walk in.