After graduating from the university and securing a lucrative job, the next agenda on the mind of an average Nigerian is marriage. In this clime, if a woman has clocked 30 years and she is single, she is termed endangered specie. On the other hand, when a man is 40 and single, they will conclude that his village people are following him.

Basically, marriage is a gargantuan talking point for both sexes. If you have a thriving professional career but have no spouse and kids to return home to; you are irresponsible, a failure and deserving no respect from your people. That is how we are wired. In Africa, marriage is a big deal.

I am dominantly confused and I need lectures for clarity. Hence my question, is everyone supposed to get married?

Having a college degree, a good job, a well furnished apartment, cars in your parking lot, a green bank account doesn’t make you a marriage candidate. It takes more than money to be a good husband, father, wife and mother to your kids.

Of a truth, the main reason our society is in this turmoil is dysfunctional families. Back in primary school, we were taught that the family is the first agent of socialization. This presupposes that when the family has scattered, the society at large is finished. An art work hanging on the wall in my father’s sitting room reads: “A child often criticized may learn to condemn, if exposed to hostilities may learn to fight; if exposed to ridicule, may grow in shyness; if exposed to shame may grow in guilt….”

You do not expect people in this category to become fantastic partners and parents. You cannot give what you don’t have.

Don’t get it twisted, the blame is not theirs. if all your parents did was fight and quarrel every day, keep late nights and exhibits ignoble demeanor, I wonder where you will learn the virtues to instill in your own kids.

Marriages and homes are broken because there is no tolerance, no understanding, no endurance, and no sacrifice. If you do not have these virtues, you are not fit to marry.

If you cannot be faithful to your partner, you are not fit to marry. If you are not “Fidelity”, you do not keep your words; you are not fit to marry. If you cannot endure hardship, you are not fit to marry.

Everybody is not fit to marry and our society should stop casting aspersions on those who failed the marriage test. It is often times not their fault. Our citizens should not be raised in an environment of rancor and acrimony. A centre for rehabilitation to help abused children become better adults and to certify the sanity of intending couples should be considered.


Written by: Stanley Bentley




  1. I need not read the bottom to know that this piece is from Bentley, it is all you’ve always stood for, great minds, greater society… Well done Bentley, nice one

  2. Sometimes, I think marriage ain’t a big deal. I’ve been so used to living alone; the peace and calmness I enjoy in the mornings when I’ve got to dwell in the cogitation box and plan the day. Items in the house remain where they are left, no drama. Why not conubate a partner, beget a child then take responsibilities or better still help the society by adopting one? I often ask myself. Choose from the abundant pool of friends to chill with should there be need for a ecstatic communion? marriage drama is huge, but our society wouldn’t let us be. Granny even asked me to just impregnate any girl and bring the baby, she’ll handle the upkeep. Mum once asked about the true state of my gonad functionality. And neighbors thought I was gay. Church peeps felt like I was confused while homies didn’t give a damn so long we hung out. Mehn…