You wouldn’t kuku ask how my night was spent |shrugs|, so I’ll do the
honors myself nigbana ooo |smiles|. When I dey naija I no dey dream before
aside if formulated, so I no dream anything for port novo ooo. I just wasted
some few hours snoring or so, and turning around looking excited |lol|.
After the due diligence, you know; praying and wasting time just looking
especially when you no get plans. I stepped out to planning to hi to my guys,
the sight that broke the day was crazy and a bit ungodly for me |for my joseph
Yea, I noticed from the night before that we weren’t the only guys in that
block, a woman lyk that sat on the couch in the common room, and some
other guys out-front speaking French though theirs ain’t sexy |winks|. I can’t
make much of her then, but here she is ooo -the woman from the nightsquatting
on her four on this kitchen cabinet/counter of a thing, |ah ah| but
what’s she doing there na? ok ooo, if she fell now n hurt herself, who would
she blame? All these was happening in my mind being a caring guy that cares
for others |winks|.
Buh wait ooo; na her rack side face me nah |winks|, this my mind na risky
place ooo, con see multitasking, na so I combine care-contemplation, with
rack evaluation, ass-crack geometry, self-studying rack meiosis, how the split
ends meet, etc. |lol|. Smart bobo, before I go con start story for the gods wen
she catch me, I summon the strength to continue my journey to the toilet, cos
na that time she go talk say I b pervert wey get hard on cos of her eve-ways
and me sef go wan convince her otherwise using theology and biology dey
explain why God and science made me and my goons like that every morning,
I’m sure she won’t believe anyways |smiles|.
As I dey walk back from the toilet, the woman still dey there ooo, maybe her
ring went down the seam, na she know, na so I sha started my room by room
greeting. Na from gisting gisting; Yusuf excuse hin sef go toilet, guys b lyk he
has been going since last night. We sha do our thing, as we all prepared for
the day ahead.
Na dem Doherty block b like headquarters, so we gada meet for there, guys
sha dey make noise up and down. My Yoruba mind don tell me say as that
woman take do her thing break my day, na so the rest of the days go be. Na
so girls for hqrs start their own too. Na so dem tire wrapper about like all these
Iya Toyins for street when they’re gossiping for early momo, laughing |esp.
Wunmi, her own laughter no b here| and running around, dem no want make
guys see their body; see as Doyin speed enter her room when she saw guys
|eehish…hahahaha|, e dey funny to me sha, dem wear round neck, tie long
wrapper for down wey mosquito sef no go see place enter, buh everything is
already covered nah, ah, girls sha |smh|.
African time is truly African, na so 8am turn 9, 10am ooo, after the whole
waiting, we sha started. The tour guide -Lazarus- started with the stories, that
the owner na Nigerian and stuff, I brought my jotter hoping to put some things
down for report sake, buh I couldn’t hear the guy well, as hin still tell the story
with hin unclear voice, bose bin con show me the stuff for her phone say make
I no bother write. All these while AEC guys sha gather phone for hin mouth,
hin go dey feel important beyen ooo, na so one mama like that |one of the
non-students wey go with us| dey my back, all dressed like “mama bola are”,
you know all these Christian women cap, women mirror magazine cover page
dressing style, she con put sweater on top, wear socks, hello!!! Here is not
Jerusalem na, or Nazareth for pilgrimage.
She sef wan record, put her fleshy hand on top my shoulder, mama come
here, me sef pay for this trip, I sha dodge comot the place, she sha start to dey
ask Lazarus why the man no do am 4 Nigeria, after the guy don answer, she
kept asking irrelevancies still on the subject, smart guy, hin bone mama danu.
We sha continued from one section to another, hearing briefs and seeing
things, we being wan jam d man sef on the course of our touring, buh Lazarus
b lyk no ooo, say d man no b easy person lyk that to meet follow dey talk, say
hin tour fee per hour b lyk 100k or so, alabajo, na white pple dem n fresh skin
guys hin dey laugh dey show things around.
Not long after that, Yusuf started squatting about, holding and complaining
about his stomach |lol|, hin no no say chopping port novo chicken no b
beans, his case just be like ikun to je ogede toun rede ni, poor guy dey
compare himself with Balotelli and Doherty, hin matta no really funny me, I
felt pity for a brother, and prayed for hin in my heart to get well, especially
when it’s in the hand of Allah now, our so called medical committee don run
out of drugs |hahahaha…after just a night ooo, nawa 2 dem|.
We were about getting to the pottery side, when we started hearing noise
ooo. What’s all the commotion about? Na mama Jericho ooo, father Nzamujo
–Songhaï farm gangan himself- don dey do her talk to, e b lyk say she go
abruptly enter the man crew until some guys embarrassed her, e pain mama
ooo, I mean see as she take dress like Oyinbo dey make noise on the top of
her voice dey abuse one man like that say hin b idiot, foolish and other foul
words join. Unfortunately for both of them, there’s communication gap, he
couldn’t understand English and mama couldn’t understand French, so dem
sha kept exchanging rants, me that I’m already tired of the walking around in
the sun listening to shit, I took delight in their situation, I dey enjoy it, I just
dey laugh here n there.
The issue continued until Dr. Odefadehan and co. stepped in, I wasn’t
happy though, me that I was waiting to see physical exchange, I mean all these
verbal assaults that una two no understand, abeg slap each other or do
sumtin na |frowns|. We sha continued our tour when it was all settled, we
were still inside pottery section, mama sha kept murmuring that “…can’t I
even just say to the man, that stupid thing just harassed me…”, |hahaha|,
shey na by force to greet Nzamujo ni, wen dem no con allow you nah, you sha
won’t kill yourself.
As though the day couldn’t be more interesting, AEC girls came through
with her own ooo and took over from mama. we were at this maggot place,
they were being brooded for fishmeal, na so Lazarus pour some of it into the
water, then they sprung up eating and making funny noises with their
mouths. Then Eyinade asked “what’s this?” Ah ah, what kind of question is
this bayii!, I was a bit baffled, maybe she doesn’t recognize a catfish when it’s
in its habitat or I don’t know ooo, I didn’t laf, but I was concerned |winks|.
Na so we reach the mulching unit again, we sha saw two mulching machine –
cobra/cobbler whatever- one looks functional and the other is way rusty to be
functional, na so she ask again ooo saying “is this machine working?” pointing
to the rusty stuff, |ah ah, mouth opened and arms crossed|, I wanted to be
concerned at first insyd my head, buh I couldn’t, my other side got the better
of me, I had to call Balotelli and co, cos this kind thing shouldn’t be enjoyed
alone, na so we start to dey use Eyinade laugh ooo, I no kuku get Lazarus time
before, buh this right here is the real deal |hahahaha|.
We got to a new unit, Eyinade matta no kuku allow me know the name, as
I was extending the news to others as a good extensionist |lol|. That one –
Lazarus- sha continued hin stuff dey explain the section, me dat I was just
getting myself back, na so Odetoye Bola |cool baby…winks| ask me about the
section, I sha know it’s something about feed mill or so I responded, na so she
talk say “waow, that’s nice. So they eat the whole building?”, bad guy as
myself, laugh don dey corner dey form for my eyes, I no wan make fun of her
based on futile grounds as the laughter no go sweet me, so I pressed on,
looking as serious as possible, I asked if she’s asking if the birds will eat the
building itself, she said “yes”, sharply I release the laughter in bondage, you
know all these kind of laughter that takes your breath away and makes you
cry, here I was choking on air, laughing, crying, beating myself, others were
sha luking at me like Jew pple, Balotelli don know sumtins’ up, he sef don dey
laugh, so he allowed me finish my senate, I explain give my guy, na so we start
again ooo…they laf about without restraint, the good guy in me was like, this
ain’t good oluwaseun, u making fun of a lady, abegi, I won’t kill myself jor, I’ll
beg her later nah |winks|.
I couldn’t concentrate in the next section, it was hard for me |lol|, praying
the whole thing should just end make we go for launch break. So after the
whole food processing thing, Francesca gave people the opportunity to ask
questions, so they were sha asking these n that about, ok ooo, oya its ok, lets
go, that’s when Busola started her own ooo |over-serious student|, asking for
sustainability, profitability, variability and the likes of puree production, ooo
God, buh y nah? It’s not like she will start the stuff wen she reach 9ja ooo
|frowns|. Dr. was now serious, hin sef dey listen to her questions, make I no
go roast am, I sha gather enuf strength to garner the little I cud, cos I know
that’s what he’ll be looking out for in the write-up like that.
First half ended at last, I was just smiling to myself enjoying my day jeje,
na so we go their commercial Centre go chop, at least food is affordable here.
I was eating and observing my environment, thinking to myself what a
wonderful site, see businessmen discussing over launch, classy and fleshy
cougars doing their thing, young bloods sef dey. I was still observing my
observing on my own jeje, then these disturbing figures just caught my sight,
I mean all what’s this nah? |frowned| all in the name of yoga pants, this
nonsense Benin women leave nothing to imagination, it was all bare to see, I
couldn’t concentrate on my food, why is it that I’m the only one seeing all these
sef? |I know u myt b thinking about that , trust me; I think about it
myself…lol| Maybe my eyes is more configured for such, albeit I sha lyk one’s
style, she’s got a thing for pink color that woman |lol…winks|.
We resumed for the other part, about biogas, it was enlightening. We sha
closed for the day, everyone went back to their own rooms. For night, I joined
with my new roommates, Balotelli and twomininu |smiles|, dem introduce
me to port novo chicken officially, I’m done spectating |winks|. We sha go
greet dem oda block, na Eyinade room b female hqrs |lol|, we sha played ludo,
and joked around, I was careful not to look up, cos I’m not ready to start seeing
things |hahaha|, cos all these girls, na dat tym dem go hang hankies and the
rest for up, wen Doyin wey dey within my normal eyesight still tie her wrapper
even for night ooo |tired|.
We went back to our rooms, guys dey play game, gist and enjoy themselves
in every way they could think of. At the end of the whole day, I learnt a great
deal, being calm is good sha, Nzamujo wey mama wan kill herself on top ain’t
that hard a person, we even saw n took picx with him afterwards the tour that
day, life sha, and it’s good to be humble too, what a day!
The story continues tomorrow
Oluwaseun Akinlembola attended Federal University of Akure