WHAT AN UBER DRIVER TOLD ME

Stanley Bentley

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It takes a lot to please women, very little or nothing to please a man. Ninety nine percent of the time you will have issues with women. You feel very elated the day you meet an easy going woman. Most of these easy going women are those born in the abroad.

I have wondered why we are a backward nation; I found answers behind the wheel. Our attitude, our orientation; even animals can’t relate. Insanity lives here. In this clime, it is discouraging to do the right thing, obey traffic light, every other driver drive past, some will shout at me to leave the road. Sometimes i will be the only one obeying the traffic light, very sad. The rules are obeyed only when law enforcement agents are in sight.

Before now, I see the police as the worst people in Nigeria but I was wrong. You see keke and okada riders, those people are in the same whatsapp group with the devil. Driving in a no-bike zone, life is easy. You can’t even dodge potholes in Lugbe, Kubwa, karu and the other neighbors of Abuja. Any attempt to dodge any pothole, you run the risk of hitting a biker. These guys fly left right and centre, entering any space available without using their horns. I doubt their bikes have horns. Hit any of them, they gather you like bees after honey, if you are not lucky, you may be lynched.

Men of the underworld are after your direct Belgium corolla. The criminals are always well dressed. They pull over in a flashy jeep looking peng, leaving you unsuspicious. Sometimes they use women to order rides, somewhere during the trip, the daughter of jezebel requests a stop with any flimsy reason, at that spot her colleagues are waiting to strike. And because you are encouraged to treat your riders well to avoid low ratings or being reported, you will see shege.

A driver had an accident three days after he chauffeured a lady from Area1 to Nigerian Army cemetery. What are you thinking? Yes! He carried a ghost. The request came from Area1 Garki, the driver got there, started the trip and saw Cemetery as her destination. The woman sat behind, on getting to the cemetery, ogbeni didn’t see his rider again. Imagine the fear, the goose bumps, the heart attack. Why will a ghost order a ride? Can’t she just disappear? This is not a tale from nollywood. It happened. Three days later he had an accident, he survived, the car, a write off.

 

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